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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28745109">It Was Hell Until I Met You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/nejiwrites/pseuds/nejiwrites'>nejiwrites</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anxiety Attacks, Blood, Comfort, Drug Use, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kuroo just wants to help, M/M, Minor Akaashi Keiji/Tsukishima Kei, Minor Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Past Drug Addiction, Past Rape/Non-con, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sexual Abuse, Smoking, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Unrelated to Canon, families here are NOTHING like the ones in canon, religion forced upon you? hey me too, religious trauma, this is completely not related to the canon story, tsukki is a dick to kuroo at first</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 14:07:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,303</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28745109</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/nejiwrites/pseuds/nejiwrites</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Tsukishima had begun to believe that his life was truly an eternal hell after everything that happened to him. That is until the day, he met a certain someone.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>52</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey! So last quick warning before you get into this, it gets pretty rough...so if you aren't in a good mental state, please DO NOT read this. This first part is just the prologue and it is already intense. Even I, the one who wrote it, struggled in between writing just the first words of this. Yeah, anyways if you are going to proceed, I hope you enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The day of the incident. The start of Tsukishima's eternal hell.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sunday was the day for church. Tsukishima didn't like Sunday for the reason that he had to wake up early as fuck, but he did it regardless because he at least looked forward to seeing his best friend, Yamaguchi Tadashi. Slipping on his jacket after tucking his button up was the last thing he needed to be ready to leave. His family already waiting for him outside in the car, he got in and buckled up, holding the dinosaur plush he had received as a gift for his birthday a few days ago. Tsukishima had just turned ten.</p><p>As they pulled into the parking lot, Tsukishima unbuckled and got out as soon as the car was parked. He ran through the small groups of people scattered here and there as they all made their way into the church building. Tsukishima paid no attention to them because he only wanted to show Tadashi the dinosaur plush he didn't get to show off to his best friend at the birthday party. Finally he spotted him and ran to give him a hug, Tadashi smiled and his once stiff posture relaxed as he was embraced by his best friend. Tsukishima smiled his cheeky little grin as he begun talking about his dinosaur plush and showing off every little detail of it to Tadashi.</p><p>Tadashi smiled at his excited best friend rambling on about the dinosaur plush in his hands, but Tadashi zoned out as his eyes made contact with the pastor standing at the steps of the church entrance talking with the new family who had just moved nearby. They had a child, or a new angel for the pastor, Tadashi thought.</p><p>Tsukishima had just finished explaning how the dinosaur could do tricks when he noticed his best friend had zoned out and been left behind a few steps. The blonde boy poked the olive brown haired boy's cheek before going over to take his hand and smiling. Tadashi felt the warmth of his hand being held and snapped back to reality as he made eye contact with Tsukishima. The two young boys smiling at one another before they walked towards the entrance, where the pastor had already made the decision to hold the new angel in his arms. Tadashi saw this and felt his stomach churn, but the gentle tug of Tsukishima pulling him along made him realize he could still protect his Tsukki from that monster.</p><p>Tsukishima waved Tadashi off as he made his way over to where his family sat. Setting the dinosaur plush down before sitting down himself and preparing to sit through the long ceremony.</p><p>The dinosaur plush was being clenched tightly by Tsukishima, he didn't exactly get anxious like this, but today was an exception as his eyes wandered around the room looking for the olive brown haired boy. No sign of him though. That was strange, usually Tadashi made his way over to him before everyone either exited or stayed around to chat with the staff especially the pastor. The pastor, the seemingly nice middle aged man who stood up on a podium and preached words from a book that seemed like a weird fiction novel to Tsukishima. Though he usually stood up front to talk with people, he wasn't there today. Tsukishima found that strange, but he shrugged it off, maybe he just got busy that day.</p><p>Tsukishima went looking for his best friend through the halls of the church since some of his family members were staff at the church so it wouldn't be odd to find his best friend in one of the backrooms. Still, no luck though. Tsukishima had already told his family he would be sleeping over with Tadashi so he wasn't worried about not having time to find him, but something made him feel like he needed to rush to find him. His instincts were right.</p><p>Tsukishima tried opening the door known as the pastors room, but it was locked. Of course it would be locked, its the pastor's room, isn't there important documents in there or something? No, it was locked for another reason. There was someone inside. The pastor. Tsukishima knocked on the door which was immediately met by a not so nice sounding pastor.</p><p>"Who is it?! I am busy!"</p><p>"It's Kei Tsukishima."</p><p>"Oh, give me just a second, Kei."</p><p>There was loud thuds and what sounded like whispering, harsh sounding too. Tsukishima waited though, it was all he could do with the door being locked, but soon after it swung open. The pastor stood tall over him with a smile, the same smile he wore when preaching up on the podium during services. Tsukishima returned the smile.</p><p>"Come in, Kei."</p><p>"I'll just stay out here, I just wanted to ask a quick question."</p><p>"I insist, come in, I have cookies from the dining hall."</p><p>"Oh, well then, okay."</p><p>Tsukishima entered the room and sat on the chair right in front of the pastor's desk. Kind of disorganized and messy for an office desk of a pastor, Tsukishima thought. The cookies were there though, he happily took one, completely oblivious that the door had just been locked once again, but now he was inside. Trapped. No where to go. No where to run. The hand placed on his shoulder felt heavy.</p><p>
  <em>Wait, why was it sliding down? Where is it sliding to? Why there? That's not right. No. Not there. Tadashi, where are you? What is happening? What is this? Dino fell on the floor, he's going to get dirty. Please, let me pick him up. Don't. You can't touch there. Angel? Am I dying? Is that what this is? Why am I dying? It hurts. Please, stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Tadashi, save me. Someone. Someone, please save me. I can't scream. My voice. Maybe, I am dying.</em>
</p><p>Little did Tsukishima know, his best friend who he had been looking for all this time was in the small closet within the office. Forced to hear the cries of his best friend. No one could save them. They were alone. Alone with the man that so many praised in the community as being an honest and good man. No one can save them. No one. Not even the god they were told to worship. No. Not even that god could save them. There was no heaven here. There is no heaven. None at all. Both of their once bright and innocent childhoods began to wither away right in front of them. They would die here, together.</p>
<hr/><p>Years passed, they both grew. Tadashi still remained as cheery as he could, at least for his sanity and Tsukishima. Tsukishima knew he had to be the one to protect them both now, from anything and everything. Neither of them could tell their families about what happened that day. They thought no one would believe them. The pastor moved away anyways. He was gone. Long gone, away from them both. Good. That was a good thing, right?</p><p>No. It wasn't good enough for Tadashi. He should've been punished. Bad people get punished, don't they? Well, he didn't. The pain is only getting worst. Unbearable for Tadashi. Can't it just stop? Why won't it just stop? Wait, it can.</p><p>Tsukishima was alone now, as he watched his best friend get lowered into the ground in a casket. He was really gone. They had one last phone call before Tadashi took his own life. Tadashi told him he had always loved Tsukishima ever since they first met at the church. That was the first Sunday they had both ever enjoyed entirely. Unlike the Sunday of the incident, the Sunday the two had knew they found their best friend was perfect. Why couldn't it have stayed that way forever? Maybe they would have gotten married at the church some day just to spit in the pastor's face and prove how strong they were together.</p><p>No, that was impossible. No matter how much either of them tried to suppress their emotions, they both knew they weren't strong. Tadashi especially, Tsukishima knew that. At least, he's at peace now.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If you are ever feeling suicidal, do not be afraid to reach out to someone you trust or calling the hotline. If you have ever gone through a similar situation that was depicted in this, please know it is okay to speak to someone about it. Take your time, though. You are strong and so amazing. Thank you for existing. Lastly, thank you for reading.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Him.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Tsukishima dreaded waking up on the date of Tadashi's death anniversary, but he had no other choice. Little did he know this day would be different from all the other years. Completely different especially because of a certain black haired jerk.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I will give a warning before every chapter so again, please if you are not in an okay/stable mindset right now DO NOT read this. Mentions of sexual assault will happen in almost every chapter. Tsukishima is a recovering victim who experiences PTSD episodes. Not just of sexual assault, but of losing a bestfriend to suicide. Even for me, the writer, it is hard to share my own experiences, even in this form. I have come to recover from those episodes and am now doing much better, still recovering, but I will continue. Please, be wary of your mental health. If you will proceed, I hope you enjoy! Kudos and comments are highly appreciated!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tsukishima dreaded waking up today.</p><p>It was the anniversary for Tadashi's death so that explains it, but if he wanted to keep his apartment he had to go to work. His job wasn't so enjoyable either, but it paid the bills so that's all that mattered to him. He was an adult now after all. He hated thinking about how the years had gone by so fast.</p><p>Without Tadashi, everything felt unreal. They were both fifteen when Tadashi took his life. Five years after the day at the church. That day when Tsukishima's hell began. He wished he could've done something. Something to save Tadashi even if it meant sacrificing himself. At least Tadashi wouldn't have had to gone through the pain.</p><p>Tsukishima wished he could redo those five years too, wishing he had confessed to Tadashi sooner than on that last phone call. Tsukishima hated the years after. Highschool wasn't so easy without Tadashi. The girls were hard to shake off. The guys even harder as they asked how a nerd like him could get so many girls. He didn't know and he didn't want them in the first place.</p><p>His teen years seemed non-existent to him though so he never looked back on them too much especially since most of the memories were without Tadashi.</p><p>Tsukishima had just started dozing off as his thoughts clouded his head again, but his phone went off with a sudden spam of text notifications.</p><p>Who the fuck was texting him at this hour?</p><p>It was 6am, not the time to be recieving text especially a spam of them. Tsukishima rolled over and reached for the device on his nightstand, squinting at the screen as he had left the brightness on too high the night before. It was Akaashi Keiji, one of his college friends, but Tsukishima already knew it wasn't really his friend. More like his boyfriend, Bokuto Koutarou.</p><p>
  <span class="u"> <strong>Akaashi </strong> </span>
</p><p>
  <em>HEY</em>
</p><p>
  <em>THIS IS BOKUTO</em>
</p><p>
  <em>oh shit sorry caps..</em>
</p><p>
  <em>anyways, a friend of mine is having a party today</em>
</p><p>
  <em>akaashi and me were thinking yknow why not invite you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>we know how hard this day is for you so</em>
</p><p>
  <em>yea :D</em>
</p><p>
  <em>let us know!!</em>
</p><p>Tsukishima stared at the notifications from his college friend's number on the slowly dimming screen before deciding to respond with a simple 'no', which soon became a regret because Tsukishima knew how his friend's boyfriend was. In came the flood of messages as he expected.</p><p>
  <span class="u"> <strong>Akaashi</strong> </span>
</p><p>
  <em>WHAT</em>
</p><p>
  <em>COME ON</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PLEASE</em>
</p><p>
  <em>IT'LL BE SO FUN</em>
</p><p>
  <em>YOU NEED THIS TODAY</em>
</p><p>
  <em>PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE</em>
</p><p>
  <em>TSUKKI REPLYYYY</em>
</p><p>
  <em>hey tsukishima</em>
</p><p>
  <em>this is akaashi, sorry about bokuto</em>
</p><p>
  <em>but he's insistent on you coming to this party</em>
</p><p>
  <em>i dont like parties</em>
</p><p>
  <em>i know, think he's trying to hook you up with his friend honestly</em>
</p><p>
  <em>so thats why then. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>yea definitely no </em>
</p><p>
  <em>i told him no but he keeps going on about it</em>
</p><p>
  <em>so for you and i both, just come for a few mins</em>
</p><p>
  <em>then you can go home</em>
</p><p>
  <em>30 mins is my limit</em>
</p><p>
  <em>its at 10pm so be ready by 9:35, we'll pick you up</em>
</p><p>Tsukishima sighed loudly as he put his phone down on the bed before getting up to shower, stopping to look in the mirror and glare at the obvious eye bags under his eyes. No sleep like always on the night before this date. It was the same every year. "I wouldn't have eye bags if you were here, Tadashi, you'd tell me to sleep so I can take care of myself and live a long healthy life blah blah blah.." Tsukishima laughed to himself before undressing and getting into the shower.</p><hr/><p>The first hour of work wasn't so bad, especially for it being early morning on a Friday. Tsukishima stared at the front door, hoping no other customer would come in for the next few hours or at least minutes. He got no sleep last night so being awake right now seemed impossible especially with the headache just waiting to settle in. Unfortunately, to his luck, someone did come in. The worst kind of customer. The kind that acts as if you've known each other for so long that using pet names like "doll", "sweetheart", and "cutie" were okay.</p><p>"Hey cutie, can I get a black coffee and one of those danishes?" The man said with a flirtatious tone that made Tsukishima's pending headache settle in completely.</p><p>Tsukishima smiled through the pain and took a deep breathe, "Sir, I would appreciate it if you didn't call me cutie, but yeah you can have those. Will that be all for your order?"</p><p>The man grinned slightly before nodding and handing Tsukishima his card along with a napkin he had just scribbled on his number, almost tearing the whole thing up, "That'll be all for me, cutie, and for you this."</p><p>Tsukishima rolled his eyes, taking his card and ignoring the napkin. He handed the card back after charging him and thankfully his coworker had already prepared the guy's order. Tsukishima would have to thank him for that after this customer leaves. He'd probably have take one of his shifts since the bug eyed red head usually only helped him in return for favors.</p><p>The customer walked out and Tsukishima leaned up against the counter, folding his arms before making eye contact with his coworker who smiled widely. "What's with the smile, Tendou?"</p><p>"Oh, nothing. Just funny how guys like that come in. Wakatoshi would never do that. He's a little awkward when it comes to romance, but I don't hold him accountable for it unless I feel bored." Tendou laughs, but it sounds more like a cackle or something from a thriller movie sending chills down Tsukishima's spine.</p><p>Tsukishima shakes his head before the boss makes her way over. "Tendou, I think your brownies are burning, might want to stop talking about your bigfoot looking boyfriend and go check." The woman by the name of Rea with an ombre dye job on her natural brown hair smiles as she shoos Tendou off into the back.</p><p>"Thanks Rea, I really didn't want to hear another Wakatoshi and Tendou sex story," Tsukishima shuddered as he straightened himself out, fixing his apron while he was it. Rea smiled at him, but her smile quickly fell just as fast as it came.</p><p>Rea folded her arms and gave Tsukishima a look that almost seemed like he was going to get fired right on the spot, "Why are you here today? I told you not to come in. Don't give me that 'I'm fine' bullshit. I know you are not fine, Kei. Today's a hard day for you. Plus it's obvious you didn't get an ounce of sleep last night. Your eye bags are so fucking visible dude. I'm surprised that guy even flirted with you, damn." Rea laughed to herself before clearing her throat and giving Tsukishima that death glare again.</p><p>Tsukishima shrugged and sighed, looking away as to not make eye contact with the very intimidating woman. "I just don't want to be home. My head starts thinking shit and I don't want to deal with that today. I got invited to a party later so work can help time go by faster. You know so I won't back out of it or something. I don't know."</p><p>"A party!? You, Kei Tsukishima, got invited to a party and didn't decline? Who the fuck are you?" Rea joked as her death glare disappeared and turned into an amused expression. Tsukishima laughed, shrugging as he turned around to assist the customer who had just entered.</p><p>The rest of his shift was typical, same customers and some new ones. Some had no idea what they wanted so they stood there for so long that Tsukishima was convinced they were purposely trying to annoy the shit out of him. Just like the guy from the morning. Tsukishima couldn't forget him. He was a jerk.</p><p>Halfway through his shift, he checked the time, it was the usual time he had to leave work and go home. Alone. Not today, no, he would stay overtime today. Very much overtime that Rea shouted at him in the back and Tendou had to offer the customers free brownie samples for having to hear that commotion. Tsukishima didn't love his job, but he didn't hate it. It kept him busy for as long as he needed. Rea really doesn't mind, but she wishes he'd at least rest more when he was home.</p><p>Last year, he had college to keep him busy, but now that he had graduated it was just the job at the small coffee shop left. He knew he could get a real job, but he wasn't sure he was ready for that just yet. Tsukishima wanted to recover a bit more at least control the PTSD episodes and not go into full panic mode while his mind wasn't occupied.</p><p>Towards the of his shift, Tsukishima managed to handle his migraine and ultimately it faded away overtime. He went to gather his things before heading back home. He looked down at his phone to check the time. 8:30pm. Okay, that's enough time before he has to endure hell. Hell. No, he couldn't think of it like that. What he had gone through all those years back was worst than any stupid party. Yeah, that was hell, not this party, no matter how much he was gonna hate it.</p><hr/><p>Tsukishima jumped in the shower as soon as he got home. The hot water against his skin burned a bit, but he had gotten so accustomed to hot showers over the years. It became a comfort feeling. The warmth of everything just being washed away by the hot water. The slight burn was confirmation of that happening for Tsukishima.</p><p>After showering, he went over to his closet and grabbed some simple black jeans, a white shirt, and a yellow cardigan. Simple and comfortable.</p><p>Akaashi will approve, but Bokuto will start blabbering on about how he needed to dress more appealing for a party like something sexy. Sexy? Tsukishima's wardrobe screamed middle age woman more than sexy.</p><p>He took a deep breathe before letting the towel fall to the floor before he dressed himself, wiping the fog from his glasses before slipping them on. He shook the lingering thoughts away before slipping his shoes on, again this man was dressed as if he was an english teacher so of course he had to pair the outfit with slip ons.</p><p>Tsukishima gave one last look over at himself in the mirror before grabbing his phone and heading out the door.</p><p>There they were already, Akaashi and Bokuto sitting in Bokuto's car as they waited for Tsukishima. Tsukishima looked down at his phone, thinking it was still way too early for them to be here so soon. 9:58pm. <em>Shit</em>. Had he really spent almost an hour in the shower? <em>Fuck fuck fuck.</em></p><p>Tsukishima got into the car and greeted them both before Bokuto started going off. "It's already 10pm, Tsukki! And what in the fuck are you wearing?? Is that really what took you so long to get ready?! I told you last time, party attire is like sexy, hot looking clothes. Not old people at bingo night fashion."</p><p>Tsukishima scoffed and crossed his arms, "You just insulted Akaashi's style, he dresses the same way."</p><p>Bokuto stopped and thought for a moment, Akaashi did have a similar style, but he's too stubborn to ever let Kei Tsukishima win an argument, "Well he knows when to dress up though!"</p><p>Akaashi laughed at Bokuto and Tsukishima's little disagreement, but glanced back at Tsukishima and giving him a soft smile. "How are you feeling?"</p><p>Tsukishima paused at the question. How was he feeling? Well the truth was nauseous and exhausted, mentally and physically, but he didn't want to worry them. So he gave a soft smile back to Akaashi, "Okay enough, you know?"</p><p>Akaashi could tell his friend was lying, but he knew not to press on with Kei Tsukishima so he nodded and smiled before turning back forward.</p><hr/><p>Once they parked, Tsukishima knew he was going to hate this even more than he already thought he would. He sighed and braced himself though at least for Akaashi. The music was loud and booming through all the rooms of the place, everyone was already drunk as fuck especially the guy that Bokuto called his friend.</p><p>"Kuroo!" Bokuto's voice was louder than the music so it wasn't hard for this Kuroo guy to hear him from across the room.</p><p>Kuroo made his way over and Tsukishima could already recognize the messy ass hair. The customer from earlier today. <em>No fucking way this was actually happening.</em></p><p>"Bokuto, you made it! Hey Akaashi! Woah, hold on...Bokuto remember the cute blonde I was telling you about? Guess it is fate cause he's right here in front of me." Kuroo smiled.</p><p>That smile. The same stupid smile he had when he came into the coffee shop earlier. Tsukishima rolled his eyes before pushing past Kuroo and making his way over to grab a drink. He was going to need it. Akaashi tried to go after him, but Bokuto stopped him and pulled him to the dance floor instead. Kuroo took this as his queue to make a move or at least try. He made his way to Tsukishima who was already downing a shot.</p><p>"Take it easy. I'll stop with the cutie stuff. I didn't mean to come off as a douche. My name is Kuroo Tetsurou, nice to meet you."</p><p>Tsukishima wasa light weight so he already felt tipsy from downing three shots. "Kei Tsukishima. Not so nice to meet you and honestly I'm here for Akaashi not some hook up."</p><p>"So that's what Bokuto told you? It's not like that. I'm a flirt, but I won't go hooking up with just anyone. I probably come off that way, don't I?" Kuroo chuckled and ran his hand through that messy black hair of his.</p><p>Tsukishima sighed and put the shot glass down before making eye contact with Kuroo. "Well, Akaashi took it that way. Listen, today is just not a good day for me to be anywhere in public. I didn't even want to go to work, but here I fucking am at a party where I only know two people and I guess you now." Tsukishima threw his hands up in frustration before slamming them back down against his sides.</p><p>"Yeah, it's really not a good day for me either. I wasn't the one who even decided on this party. A couple of my friends did because its been a year of me being sober from drugs, little do they know I never stopped. I still smoke weed, it's not as strong as the other drugs I used to take, but it does the trick, its that simple. Gives me an escape from remembering bullshit in my life," Kuroo confessed to Tsukishima, who really was a complete stranger beside their little encounter in the morning.</p><p>"That's a little fucked up of you, I quite frankly don't care though," Tsukishima scoffs before heading outside to get some air.</p><p>Kuroo follows close behind him, highly intrigued by this blonde with glasses and an attitude. Tsukishima glances back to see Kuroo and stops right away, turning around to face him before glaring straight at him, "What the fuck do you want?"</p><p>"Nothing much, just like being around you," Kuroo shrugged before walking in the direction Tsukishima had been storming off to. Tsukishima sighed before following him.</p><p>Kuroo smiled as he heard the other's footsteps behind him before pulling out the blunt he had in his pocket along with a lighter. Putting the blunt between his lips before lighting it, inhaling deeply and exhaling a moment after.</p><p>Tsukishima swatted his hand in front of his own nose to make the smell go away, but it lingered in the air for a while before the wind took it away. Kuroo offered the blunt to Tsukishima which got him a glare, but he kinda liked it when the blonde glared at him so he didn't mind, just smiled and continued taking hits of the blunt.</p><p>Tsukishima stood there, looking up at the moon and realized what day it was again. Tadashi's death anniversary. He shouldn't be at a party. He should be home.</p><p>Thoughts began to cloud his head with bad memories he tries so hard to suppress every hour of the day. His own cries that sounded like someone's else's echoing in his head. The moment he told Tadashi of what happened. When Tadashi confessed he had been a witness to it all, that even he had been a victim of it just before. Many times before. Tsukishima just had that once. So why was he feeling so much pain? He shouldn't, right? It's wrong of him.</p><p>
  <strong> <em>I shouldn't be in pain, Tadashi had it worst, I couldn't even save him in the first place. I deserved it. I needed to be purified like he said. Yeah. The pastor was right.</em> </strong>
</p><p>Kuroo noticed the other had spaced out, thinking he had gotten high just from the smoke alone, he shook the other a bit. Tsukishima slapped Kuroo's hand away which in turn made the blunt fall to the floor.</p><p>Kuroo sighed heavily before stepping on it. "What the hell was that for, Kei?"</p><p>Tsukishima looked up at Kuroo with wide eyes, not realizing what he had done before it hit him, he wasn't reliving that day it was all in his head. Tsukishima looked down and took a deep breathe, which came out shaky when he exhaled.</p><p>
  <strong> <em>Fuck. He didn't notice right? I'll just leave. I'll walk home. Take an uber or something. Shit. You can do this, Kei. It's like those times in highschool. Just push it all down, breathe, and walk away. Yeah. It's okay. This is fine. He's probably too fucking stoned to notice, probably more pissed I smacked his blunt down. Yeah. Okay. </em> </strong>
</p><p>It had been longer than a few minutes and still no remark from the blonde, something was wrong and Kuroo could tell right away. "I'm sorry, for suddenly shaking you like that. You kinda zoned out though, you okay?" Kuroo reached out to Tsukishima, too fast though.</p><p>Again Tsukishima hit his hand away, shouting at Kuroo to get away. Then just started walking away at a fast pace. As if Kuroo didn't exist, just like that. Kuroo watched the blonde take a few steps, clearly drunk from the three shots he had earlier as he stumbled with shaky legs.</p><p>"Hey!" Kuroo yelled after him as he followed behind.</p><p>
  <strong> <em>Why the fuck is he following me? Is he still sober? Is he that pissed? Is he going to..? No, right? He wouldn't. No no no no. Just leave me alone. Please fucking leave me alone. Please, don't hurt me. No. Please. I can't. Please. Stop. Go away.</em> </strong>
</p><p>Tsukishima knew he shouldn't have come, he should've just taken a shower and gone straight to bed after work. He could've come up with a lame ass excuse as to why he couldn't go to the stupid party. Sick. Early shift. Something like that. How stupid could he have been to agree to coming.</p><p>
  <strong><em> Stupid. Idiot. Worthless. Tadashi is gone because of you. It's your fault. Kei, whatever happens is your fault.</em> </strong>
</p><p>His thoughts were clouding again. Everything felt heavy and hazy except for the memories of that day. That day. It replayed in his head as if it was some movie scene being put on repeat. Over and over. Screams, cries, slaps, loud breathing, and so much more.</p><p><strong><em>So much. Too much. Stop. Just fucking stop. Stop</em></strong>. <strong><em>Please just stop. I told him to stop. I told him to let me go. Why won't he let go? Why won't he stop? It hurts. Stop. No more. Stop!!!<br/></em></strong></p><p>It stopped. It actually stopped. Was he dead? Wait. Someone is holding his hand. Who?</p><p>
  <em><strong>Tadashi?</strong> </em>
</p><p>Kuroo pulled Tsukishima towards him, slowly and gently as to not startle him again. "It's okay, whatever it is, you're safe here. Nothing can hurt you. I won't hurt you," Kuroo attempted to reassure Tsukishima which seemed to be working even if the other was still stiff against his chest.</p><p>Tsukishima felt the warmth embrace his body and for once his thoughts went quiet. His mind was empty. Only the thought of the warmth against him stayed. It felt like the warmth the hot water in the shower gave him. Everything going away for a moment, leaving his mind and body at peace for once. Maybe it was just the alcohol settling or a fever, but Tsukishima didn't care. He wanted this feeling to last forever.</p><p>He was calm, still in a spaced out haze, but he felt at peace as if he did die. His breathing slowed before finally evening out, Tsukishima had fallen asleep against Kuroo's chest.</p><p>Kuroo looked at the blonde with a surprised expression. Had he really fallen asleep just like that? Kuroo couldn't help but smile at that fact. He grabbed his phone out of his pocket before texting Bokuto.</p><p>
  <span class="u"> <strong> <em>Bokuto</em> </strong> </span>
</p><p>
  <em>Hey man, I'm gonna head to a hotel</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You guys can continue partying</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Have fun! :)</em>
</p><p>
  <em>HUHUHHH?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>YEOKAY</em>
</p><p>
  <em>BE AREFUL</em>
</p><p>
  <em>NO DRIVIG DRUK</em>
</p><p>
  <em>ILLTELTJEOTHERSYULEFT</em>
</p><p>Yeah, Bokuto was definitely drunk. Kuroo smiled and shook his head. He ordered an uber before picking Tsukishima up bridal style and waiting for it by the curbside. Once the driver arrived, he gently set Tsukishima down and buckled him in. Settling down in the seat next to him and sighing before buckling himself. The driver began driving while having small talk with Kuroo.</p><p>"So you both are heading to a hotel? Long date night out?" The driver laughed.</p><p>Kuroo chuckled before shaking his head, "No no, just taking him to a hotel so he can rest properly. I was gonna ask his friends for his address, but we just met at that party and I don't want him getting freaked out that I know where he lives. I didn't want to ruin anyone else's fun either so I took it upon myself. Probably sounds weird like that, but honestly I wasn't enjoying the party so much. Yet it was a party for me."</p><p>The driver nodded, "It's okay. I'm not so fond of parties or gatherings at all, the most socializing I can handle is like this. It's why I became a driver."</p><p>Kuroo smiled. The car ride was silent once again before they arrived at the hotel. The driver waved Kuroo off and Kuroo wished him a good night before carrying Tsukishima into the hotel. It wasn't so hard getting a room, Kuroo was grateful for his good looks at a time like this. He made his way up to the room and slid the key card in to unlock the door, pushing it open and quickly going to set Tsukishima down on the bed gently. Kuroo debated on undressing the blonde and getting him into a robe, but opted out of that decision to not seem like a creep.</p><p>Tsukishima began to shift which caused Kuroo to panic and go running to the bathroom to hide. Kuroo took a deep breathe before looking at himself in the mirror, "Fuck, I hope I didn't look like that the whole night." His hair was tossed all over, his eye bags were standing out as if he had put dark eye shadow under his eyes, his eyes were blood shot, and his lips were chapped as fuck. So much for being prince charming that kisses the sleeping beauty.</p><p>Kuroo laughed to himself as he remembered the last time he had stared at himself in the mirror this long. He was just about to overdose on some pills, but was interrupted by a phone call from his best friend, Bokuto, about a new kid that arrived at their school that day. Kuroo listened to all the details of the first day with his new kid in class, he was intrigued by him. A blonde with glasses and an attitude. Kuroo's life was a living hell until this blonde came along and turned it all around.</p><hr/><p>The sunlight hit Tsukishima's face, causing him to groan and toss a pillow at nothing.</p><p>He opened his eyes slightly, expecting to see his room a mess, but instead saw a clean and fancy hotel room. Clean and fancy hotel room? Was he actually dead? Was this the afterlife? What the fuck was he thinking? No, he's alive, but where the fuck is he?!</p><p>Tsukishima sat up fast enough for his headache to slam him back down and the nausea to set in quick. He slowly sat up and slid himself off the bed, making his way to the bathroom with a hand over his mouth.</p><p>After throwing up and splashing his face with cold water, he was aware of his surroundings. He was in a hotel room, but how?</p><p>Tsukishima exited the bathroom and was shocked to see a certain black haired bed head having ass man on the couch in the room, sleeping soundly. <em>There is no way I slept with this man. I'm fully clothed, but he could've dressed me and acted like nothing happened. Did he drug me..? Fucking bastard!</em></p><p>Tsukishima stomped over to Kuroo and smacked him with a pillow as hard as he could, "Wake up! Where the fuck am I? What happened last night!? Did you..." Tsukishima couldn't muster the courage to say the word so he just stood there with an angry expression on his face.</p><p>Kuroo woke up, his head pounding from the mix of weed and alcohol that had been in his system. "Kei, calm down...Stop yelling, please. I brought you here because you like passed out after having a panic attack."</p><p>Then it hit Tsukishima, he had another PTSD episode in front of Kuroo. He froze and looked at Kuroo. This man had witnessed one of his PTSD episodes yet here he was. Still here. He took care of him even after.</p><p>The same man who gave him a complete migraine yesterday with his stupid flirting.</p><p>The same man who he had just met properly yesterday.</p><p>The same man who had him needing three shots at the party.</p><p>The same man who he thought was a jerk.</p><p>Him, Kuroo Tetsurou.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If you ever feel hopeless/feel like taking your own life, please do not hesitate to reach out to someone you trust or the hotline. You are strong and amazing! It is not your fault, please take care of yourself and know you are loved! I hope you all enjoyed reading this chapter. I plan to release the next chapter by the weekend. Thank you for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Talking.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kuroo Tetsurou, the guy with the messy ass hair who smelled like cologne and a slight hint of must with cigarette smoke, had gone from being a complete stranger to a close friend of Tsukishima's all in one night. Even being in Tsukishima's short contact list. Kuroo felt lucky that's for sure, but he wanted to know more about the blonde. Tsukishima wanted to know more about Kuroo, but wouldn't admit it even if he was in a life or death situation and that was the only escape. So they planned a date? No, it's just a hangout. Not a date...right?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Like I said I'd be providing a warning before each chapter so again if you are NOT in a good mindset please DO NOT read this. This chapter will go into Kuroo's past drug addiction, his attempted suicide, along with details of Yamaguchi's suicide along with sexual assault mentions. So please if you are not feeling well enough mentally don't proceed past this warning, maybe save it for another time or not at all. For those who continue on, I hope you enjoy! Kudos and comments at the end are always appreciated.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tsukishima stood in the shower, the hot water hitting his back, as he thought of the situation he was in. He was in a hotel with Kuroo Tetsurou, a man he had just met the day before. Akaashi would really question him about this the next time they saw each other.</p><p>
  <em>Bet you didn't think I could ever end up in a situation like this, huh, Tadashi? </em>
</p><p>Tadashi. There he goes again thinking about Tadashi. Tsukishima didn't mind it, but he hated his thoughts constantly being about him. Maybe that was the reason he never got crushes and was called lame for not dating anyone in his life. Tadashi and him weren't even dating. They didn't confess until it was too late. It was more like just a goodbye.</p><p>Focus Kei, you need to figure out what to do. He sighed as he turned around to turn the shower off, pausing as he heard voices outside the bathroom. Who was here now? Was something really about to happen? Only now? Why? Tsukishima quickly dressed himself before exiting the bathroom.</p><p>To his surprise, he was met with a sudden hug from Akaashi. This was unusual even if Akaashi was caring he had never really been too open about physical affection especially with Tsukishima. Well, there was that one time in college where they had both gotten drunk and one thing led to another, but that was besides the point. Akaashi was crying while hugging him. Crying? Why was he crying?</p><p>"Keiji-" Tsukishima was interrupted before he could even get the question out as Akaashi started spilling out questions. "Why didn't you just tell me you didn't feel well? I know yesterday is a hard day for you so you don't need to lie, Kei! I've been with your friend for over five years now! I know you well! Why didn't you text me either? Why didn't you pull me along with you to take shots? I wouldn't have minded and if Kotarou said anything, you know I would've told him something about it! Kei, I was so worried. I couldn't find you at the party. I thought something bad had happened, I even went to your apartment. I was so close to filing a police report until Tetsurou texted Koutarou."</p><p>Akaashi's entire body trembled as he took a breathe between sobs before turning to face Kuroo, still holding Tsukishima's sleeve and looking quite soft, except for the death glare he was giving Kuroo. "Speaking of which, why didn't you tell us you were leaving with Kei? Tetsurou, I swear sometimes it is so hard to read you. One minute you put this facade on of this douche bag flirt who gives no fuck, yet the next you'll be the most vulnerable person on this planet besides Koutarou."</p><p>Akaashi sighs, wiping the remaining tears away from his eyes and that point the three others were looking at him with the most worried expressions. Bokuto especially. Had they all gotten him this worked up? Akaashi was always the one taking care of them and giving them advice when they needed. Guess he needed the favor to be returned. Tsukishima was not to keen on physical affection, but for Akaashi at least just this once would be an exception. Bokuto joined in and soon after Kuroo did too to which Tsukishima shooed them both away. That didn't stop them though. The four stayed that way for a moment before pulling away and sitting down to talk. Akaashi and Bokuto on the couch, Kuroo on the floor, and Tsukishima on the edge of the bed.</p><p>"Keiji, you know you can always tell us when you're feeling overwhelmed like this or feeling anything!" Bokuto spoke a bit too loud, but his boyfriend had just broken down in front of him so Tsukishima tolerated it. "You can't keep your feelings in especially away from me. We promised, remember?" Clearly Bokuto was the most worried out of the three, he wasn't too good on comfort and tried his best most of the time, but for Akaashi it was different.</p><p>"Yeah, Keij, you shouldn't feel like you need to keep your feelings away from us. It's okay. We may not be able to do the whole comforting thing as good as you can do it, but we will try." Kuroo gave a soft smile to Akaashi. Not like his smug grin he usually wears. Tsukishima kinda liked this smile better.</p><p>Tsukishima sighed, "Keiji, they're right. I'm sorry I worried you. I honestly didn't mean to and Tetsurou for someone who was trying to be caring, you could've told them you were going to be taking me too. A little suspicious if you just leave with me like that especially after I fell unconscious. That would give people the wrong idea, wouldn't it?"</p><p>Kuroo chuckled nervously before nodding and returning his gaze towards Tsukishima. Oh, how he loved being told off by this blonde.</p>
<hr/><p>The four friends spent the entire morning talking with each other, which was mainly Akaashi and Tsukishima talking about what exactly happened last night to have Tsukishima end up with Kuroo at a hotel. Kuroo kept his eyes on Tsukishima throughout every conversation. There was more to this blonde then what he had already known. PTSD episode, so that's what last night was. What happened to this seemingly stone cold emotionless blonde that could cause that? No matter how long it took, Kuroo was determined to find out.</p><p>Akaashi and Bokuto decided to leave after sometime which left Kuroo and Tsukishima alone together. Tsukishima looked back at Kuroo as he slipped on his shoes, "You've been quiet ever since they left. That's weird for you, but I won't say I don't enjoy it because I do. Thanks for last night by the way. Sorry you had to see that and deal with it."</p><p>"Just so you know since it sounds like you're thinking of leaving too, I will not let you go alone. I'm giving you a ride back home or wherever you want to go." Kuroo made his way to the door, opening it for Tsukishima who stood there with a confused and angry expression. Kuroo knew he was going to get told off again.</p><p>"Fine," Tsukishima walked out the door, not giving Kuroo a second glance, "buy me breakfast while you're at it, I'm hungry." Kuroo smiled proudly to himself as he walked out the hotel room and caught up to Tsukishima in the hall. Tsukishima kept his arms crossed as he walked and Kuroo took note of that. Kuroo hummed as they walked down to the elevator, Tsukishima entered first and leaned back up against the wall.</p><p>"Tetsurou, you know you don't have to take pity on me. I've had enough of that throughout my life." Tsukishima keeps his arms tightly crossed, shifting a bit as he glances at Kuroo while he gets into the elevator and chooses to stand beside him. Very close, beside him.</p><p>"I don't pity you. I just like being around you." Kuroo shrugs and grins. There he goes with that damn grin. Tsukishima didn't mind it, but it just made him find Kuroo slightly attractive so it irritated him. Was he really getting attracted to this jerk? No, definitely not. Maybe he still had alcohol in his system, yeah that had to be the case.</p><p>The elevator ride feels like it lasts for hours, but once it reaches the lobby, Tsukishima is the first to get out. Kuroo shakes his head before going to check out. Tsukishima wanders around the lobby, taking in all the expensive decor before catching a glimpse of a couple sitting at one of the couches. They're talking while holding hands, the man caressing the women's knuckles as she speaks on about something. Tsukishima could care less about what she was talking about, but the way the man just listened intently was the part that made Tsukishima care.</p><p>Kuroo had finished checking out and looked around for the blonde. Catching sight of him before making his way over to the other, stopping as he sees Tsukishima staring at something and follows his gaze to the couple. Kuroo smiles and makes his way over to the blonde, pushing his glasses up which had been sliding down his nose while he was zoned out. "Come on, blondie, let's go get breakfast."</p><p>Tsukishima rolled his eyes before following behind Kuroo who was humming already and throwing in a few whistles. "Tetsurou, why do you hum so much? It's obnoxious." Kuroo shrugs and continues his humming.</p><p>"Not talking again? You seemed more than happy to talk about personal stuff last night so why all quiet now? I seriously don't get you, Tetsurou Kuroo." Tsukishima stuffed his hands in his pockets before walking ahead of the other. Kuroo laughed before catching up to Tsukishima and glancing at him every now and then. After walking for what seemed like an eternity to Tsukishima, they arrived at a diner. Kuroo rushed to get the door for Tsukishima and smirked as Tsukishima gave him a glare so sharp he felt like it could pierce anything.</p><p>They both made their way over to a booth. Tsukishima relaxed against the cushions of the booth, closing his eyes after breathing out a soft sigh. The headache from yesterday felt like it had never left him. Kuroo noticed the other and remembered back at the hotel when the blonde had been sleeping, he looked at peace unlike when he was going through the episode. He decided to just let him be and took it upon himself to order for the both of them.</p><p>The waitress made her way over to their booth after attending to other tables, apologizing for the wait and introducing herself as Rea. Yeah, that Rea. Kuroo smiled and shook off her apology. Rea noticed Tsukishima had fallen asleep and kept her focus on Kuroo to not disturb the blonde. Tsukishima really looked peaceful after all even in the stiff, old diner booth and she had never seen him without his gloomy expression. What did this guy do that made her usually gloomy friend be able to relax so much. "Rough night for the two of you?"</p><p>"Yeah, we were at a party where we had just met, but I had actually saw him the first time at a coffee shop he worked at earlier in the day. Complete strangers to friends kind of thing." Kuroo chuckled as he summarized their night. Rea smiled before confessing that Tsukishima was actually a friend of hers to which Kuroo got excited about. "Wait, you know Kei? That's great. I actually had some questions about him, I want to get to know him, but I don't want to trigger anything for him. Ah, wait I should order first."</p><p>Rea grew intrigued by this guy quickly, "Just take it at a slow pace, don't rush anything with Kei. He may be the most stubborn dick head at first, but once you get to know him more, he's so much more than the wall he puts up. Oh, and one more thing if you so much as hurt him physically or mentally, you'll be getting a taste of my fist and the next thing you'll be tasting is gross ass hospital food," Rea put up her fist jokingly before laughing, "I have hope for you though, I think you'll get through his wall. Tadashi would be happy about that. Kei likes french toast and eggs with bacon, for his order totally not if you guys decide to, you know."</p><p>Kuroo smiled at that and quickly told Rea what he wanted. He continued to smile as he watched her leave to go place the order. He turned his gaze back to Tsukishima and crossed his arms. French toast, guess Kuroo would have to learn to make it for Tsukishima one day.</p><p>The name that Rea said though, Tadashi, huh? Who was Tadashi to Kei? Why was he so important? Tsukishima had muttered that name before he fell asleep against Kuroo. Kuroo was so curious about that damn name. Who was Tadashi? Maybe he could ask Kei about it sometime, not now though.</p>
<hr/><p>Tsukishima opened his eyes just in time as the food arrived. He rubbed his eyes and stretched just a bit before catching a glimpse of the waitress. "Good morning, Kei." Both Kuroo and Rea said in unison to which they laughed about afterwards. Tsukishima was surprised to see Rea more than he was about having fallen asleep in a diner booth.</p><p>"What are you doing here, Rea?" Tsukishima fixed his glasses and looked down at the food on the table, his mouth already watering and the smell already making his headache disappear.</p><p>"This is my second job, Kei, I need it if I'm ever going to open my own bakery." Rea ruffled Tsukishima's hair to which Tsukishima pushed her hand away, slightly embarrassed that Kuroo got to see that.</p><p>Tsukishima picked the fork up and started picking at the freshly made french toast, taking a bite of one of them and relaxing even more with a small hum. Kuroo and Rea heard the small hum, looking at each other surprised before laughing softly. "That was cute, Kei. Bet you didn't notice you did that, huh?" Rea continued laughing before she left to attend other tables. Tsukishima's cheeks were a bitter red as he continued eating, until he realized that he was asleep so how did Kuroo know what to order for him?</p><p>Kuroo was eating the eggs with hashbrowns on his plate before he glanced up at Tsukishima who had been staring at him with a confused expression. "What? Do I have something on my face? Is it about the food? Rea told me you liked french toast so I got you that, but if you don't you can have my food. I barely touched the pancakes just the strawberries at the top. You like pancakes, right? I could order you something different." Tsukishima laughed, for the first time he genuinely laughed at something Kuroo said. Was this really happening right now? Yeah, it sure was.</p><p>"Sorry, you just sounded so nervous like I was gonna yell at you, I couldn't help but laugh. I do like french toast so it's okay. I don't want your food. I will take some of your strawberries though, you owe me for not waking me up when it was time to order. Your expression was so funny and cu-" Tsukishima stopped himself and looked down instead, clearing his throat before he embarrassed himself any farther.</p><p>Kuroo sat there still surprised at the fact that Tsukishima laughed at something, something that he had said. Not anyone else, but him. Kuroo snapped back to reality as he swore he almost heard Tsukishima call him cute. What the fuck? Kei Tsukishima, calling him cute? The same blonde with the glasses and attitude? Yeah, that definitely almost happened. "You almost called me cute!"</p><p>"No, I didn't. You're hearing things, Tetsurou. I always thought of myself as crazy, but maybe you're going crazy." Tsukishima rolled his eyes and pushed his glasses up his nose, continuing to eat his french toast while taking some of Kuroo's strawberries. Kuroo squinted and hummed, "I'll have you calling me cute one day. I'll make it my life goal, Kei."</p><p>Tsukishima scoffed at Kuroo's statement. They both quickly finished their food before leaving the diner after saying bye to Rea. Tsukishima walked alongside Kuroo and looked up at the sky. Kuroo glanced at the blonde who stared up at the sky and decided to do the same. "You're always staring up at the sky, Kei. Why is that?"</p><p>Tsukishima remained quiet for a moment before he spoke, "It's nice to look at especially when I feel my thoughts clouding. It makes me feel not so trapped by the thoughts." Kuroo smiled at that and realized Tsukishima had become his sky. Kuroo felt free when he was with Tsukishima, even if they had just met.</p><p>It was something about this blonde that made him forget that he had disappointed a lot of his friends and not to mention the fact that he ditched the party they were hosting to celebrate his soberness which wasn't so true. Tsukishima made him forget about his parents' divorce and how he blamed himself for it for years. How his dad used to come home drunk or high even both at times to which his mom would be the victim to his dad's tantrums. Even back then, when Kuroo had lost all hope and was going to take his own life, it was Tsukishima who had made him forget about what he was just about to do. Made him decide to clean it all up and go to bed, excited to see the new kid at school with blonde hair, glasses, and an attitude known as Kei Tsukishima.</p>
<hr/><p>Tsukishima led Kuroo back to his apartment and sighed as they finally arrived, relieved that he'd get to actually sleep in his bed for a bit.</p><p>"This is it. Thanks for taking care of me last night, again, and treating me to breakfast. Let's not have another night like last night, too embarrassing and I don't want to bother another person with my problems. You should call your friends and say sorry for leaving the party so early. Don't be a dick to them and just tell them about you still smoking weed. Just don't go using anything else again, you're actually a decent person unlike a lot of people so don't go dying on them. You're still strong for leaving the other stuff behind." Tsukishima waved at Kuroo before walking away.</p><p>Kuroo stood there shocked to hear those words of affirmation. He ran his fingers through his hair as he watched Tsukishima walk into the apartment building. Yeah, he was falling hard for him.</p><p>Tsukishima made his way to his apartment and opened the door, immediately slipping his shoes off along with his clothing. He decided to shower again, another hot shower. Tsukishima sighed as he felt the hot water hit his skin and thought back to last night. He had went through another episode. In public out of all places too. Maybe he just shouldn't go out anymore especially to parties.</p><p>Tsukishima finished showering and went to his closet, throwing on a hoodie with some pajama pants before going to relax on his bed. His bed wasn't always the most comfortable thing, but today it felt like a cloud. He unlocked his phone and started scrolling through his instagram before he got a text notification. Tsukishima squinted at the contact name. Tetsurou.</p><p>He had forgotten he had exchanged phone numbers with him back at the diner. Great, now he had someone else to wake him up at early hours of the day with emoji spams or asking if he wanted to go to parties just like Rea and Bokuto had done. Tsukishima sighed before finally deciding to open the messages and reply back, maybe.</p><p>
  <span class="u"> <strong> <em>Tetsurou</em> </strong> </span>
</p><p><span class="u"></span> <em>hope you got in okay, thanks for the advice<br/>
</em></p><p>
  <em>I did what you told me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>they actually weren't mad</em>
</p><p>
  <em>or disappointed like i thought they'd be</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Tsukishima smiled to hear the good news from Kuroo. He thought for a moment before typing a reply.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>glad it went well</em>
</p><p>
  <em>i'm okay, thanks again for breakfast</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Tsukishima was just about to put his phone down so he could nap before he got another notification. Damn, this guy replied fast. He'll just reply after his nap. No, he'll reply now.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>quick question</em>
</p><p>
  <em>???</em>
</p><p>
  <em>do you want to maybe grab smth to eat later??</em>
</p><p>
  <em>you already got me breakfast</em>
</p><p>
  <em>i dont want to owe you a lot</em>
</p><p>
  <em>you wont owe me anything</em>
</p><p>
  <em>kei i just wanna take you out</em>
</p><p>
  <em>i like your company</em>
</p><p>
  <em>why dont you hang out with koutarou??</em>
</p><p>
  <em>i could but i want to hangout with you </em>
</p><p>
  <em>so yes or no?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>ill think about it</em>
</p><p>
  <em>hope you say yes :)</em>
</p><p>
  <em>we'll see</em>
</p><p>Tsukishima smiled at the message and put his phone down. Maybe he would say yes. No, he won't. He was not falling for Kuroo. Definitely not. He really needed to nap, he really was losing it.</p>
<hr/><p>"Tadashi? Tadashi! It really is you! How are you here?" Tsukishima smiled as he looked at his best friend who was facing away from him.</p><p>Yamaguchi turned to face Tsukishima to which Tsukishima smiled so brightly at the other though Yamaguchi's face was still a blur along with the rest of his body. "It's me, Tsukki."</p><p>Tsukishima looked at the other a bit confused before he approached one step at a time. "I missed you so much, Tadashi. You wouldn't believe how much I've missed you. I'm so happy you're here now though. We could be together now just like we've always wanted."</p><p>Tsukishima suddenly froze in place and stared at Yamaguchi with an expression of pure horror. "Tadashi..??" Yamaguchi approached Tsukishima and that gave Tsukishima a much more clear view of his friend's appearance. He was pale and his skin had been discolored, just how he looked like on that day.</p><p>The day when Tsukishima found his lifeless body in his bedroom. The day Tsukishima rushed over when he hadn't responded to any of his texts and hadn't shown up to their first day of highschool. The day Tsukishima was left alone in his eternal hell.</p><p>"It's your fault, Kei. This is your fault. You couldn't save me. You couldn't do anything. You didn't even come with me after I left, but it's not too late. You can come be with me now." Yamaguchi reached a hand out to which Tsukishima backed away, falling to the floor in fear.</p><p>"This isn't real. That isn't something Tadashi would say. You're not real!" Tsukishima shouted and covered his ears and closed his eyes to block out anything else, but Yamaguchi's voice grew louder in his head.</p><p>"It's your fault, Kei. Your fault. All your fault. Only yours, Kei. Come be with me, Kei, so you can fix it all. Please. It would mean so much." Yamaguchi's voice persisted with these things that he wouldn't say to Kei at all. Was this really happening? Was it really his fault? No. No, it wasn't.</p><p>
  <strong><em>This has to be a dream. Wake up, Kei. Wake up, already! Why can't I wake up? Just fucking wake up! Open your eyes. Please. Just make it stop. Make it stop! Someone please! Save me!</em> </strong>
</p><p>A phone ringing is all Tsukishima could hear as he awoke from his dream in a cold sweat and hyperventilating. Tsukishima let out a loud sob as he thought back to the dream and tried to get the thought of Yamaguchi saying those things out of his mind. He knew his best friend would never say those things to him. He knew that well, but it still got to him so much.</p><p>Tsukishima let out a sigh, his breathing still shaky as he tried to calm his sobs so he could answer the phone or at least call whoever was calling back. He took a quick glance at his phone and saw the contact name. He made no hesitation in reaching for the phone and pressing the answer button. "Hey, Tetsurou."</p><p>"Kei, hey, I was wondering if you still wanted to go out? I know it's a little late now, but I figured you probably had taken a nap or something. If you don't want to, it's okay we can reschedule. I know you're probably exhausted after yesterday." Kuroo's tone was soft almost comforting to Tsukishima.</p><p>"Yeah. Let's go out, Kuroo. I think I need to get out of my apartment right now. Be here by..." Tsukishima took a pause to look at the time and realized it was late, but he just needed to get out for a bit, "Eight, please."</p><p>"I'm close by so yeah I'll be there soon! See you soon." Kuroo ended the call really fast, but before then Tsukishima swore he heard Kuroo start running.</p><p>Tsukishima smiled softly before putting his phone down and laying back. He had slept the entire day, yet Kuroo still wanted to go out even if he had waited all day. This guy is so weird. Tsukishima felt the last remaining tears that were in his eyes run down his cheeks, at that he laughed and sat up before going to shower once again. He was running out of shampoo, guess he would have to grab some on the date- Date? No, it wasn't a date. Not a date with Kuroo. It wasn't like that at all. Was it?</p><p>Tsukishima shook the thought away as he stepped under the hot water. Tsukishima hummed just like he had heard Kuroo do earlier in the day. He paused as he caught himself doing that and immediately felt embarrassed. Kuroo was growing on him and maybe Tsukishima did fall for him. Maybe.</p><p>He finished showering and stood in front of his closet, conflicted on what to wear so much so that he found himself tempted to text Kuroo and ask what he was wearing. Tsukishima gave into his temptation way too quick.</p><p>
  <span class="u"> <strong> <em>Kuroo</em> </strong> </span>
</p><p>
  <em>hey</em>
</p><p>
  <em>quick question</em>
</p><p>
  <em>what are you wearing??</em>
</p><p>Tsukishima sighed as he read his own text back and felt so stupid. How could he have asked that? It didn't matter what he wore. They were just hanging out anyway. It wasn't anything special, right? He nervously stared at the text and felt even more stupid when no response came in. Tsukishima figured Kuroo was probably laughing at the text, maybe even took a screenshot to show his friends how stupid Tsukishima was. Those thoughts disappeared once the picture came in. Tsukishima felt his cheeks turn red.</p><p>
  <em>SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I couldnt decide which picture to send</em>
</p><p>
  <em>but thats what im wearing!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>you'll look good in anything</em>
</p><p>
  <em>even an outfit like the one you wore at the party!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>ok</em>
</p><p>
  <em>thank u</em>
</p><p>
  <em>see u soon</em>
</p><p>Tsukishima stared at the photo of Kuroo wearing a plaid trench coat paired with a plain black turtleneck, beige jeans which were tucked at the ankles, and some boots. Tsukishima hummed as he placed his phone down and stared at his closet. He had so much to choose from and nothing that was that appealing. He actually wanted to look good for Kuroo. That's strange.</p><p>In the end, he settled for a sweatershirt with a button up underneath, black pants, and some converse. He looked over his outfit once in the mirror before heading out after receiving a text from Kuroo that he arrived. Tsukishima had never rushed out of his apartment as fast as he did this time before. He saw Kuroo and he instantly felt the tension in his body leave. Little did he know Kuroo felt the same way.</p><p>"I knew you'd look good in anything." Kuroo smiled to see Tsukishima in his outfit. Tsukishima's cheeks turned a soft cherry color before he hit Kuroo's arm and started walking. Kuroo laughed and followed behind Tsukishima while wrapping his own arm to soothe the slight tinge of pain. </p><p>Tsukishima smiled as he walked a bit ahead of Kuroo. The night felt peaceful with a slight breeze and the sky being clear so that the moon shone its light down on the city. Kuroo noticed Tsukishima looking up at the sky again to which he did the same as he did once before. Tsukishima glanced at Kuroo and smiled as he heard Kuroo begin humming as he usually did while they walked along staring up at the sky together. </p><p>"So, do you have a place in mind for us to grab some food? I didn't eat the entire day. I was asleep." Tsukishima paused and grabbed Kuroo's sleeve before he could bump into a pole.</p><p>Kuroo stumbled a bit before stabling himself again and earning a soft chuckle from Tsukishima. "Uh, yeah! It's down the street from here. You know we actually live pretty close to one another. My place is only a five minute walk from yours. Anyways come on, we're almost there."</p><p>Kuroo wasn't going to admit to Tsukishima that he hadn't eaten the whole day either and had been waiting until Tsukishima had texted his decision. He was happy he waited.</p><p>"By the way, Tetsurou, what's the bag for? Like what's in it?" Tsukishima nodded his head to the bag in Kuroo's hand. Kuroo smiled as he was excited to explain what he had planned for them to do, "Well I was thinking we'd grab the food or snacks and head to the park to enjoy them while we talk instead of being surrounded by people. You know just the two of us."</p><p>Tsukishima was flustered at the idea of being alone with Kuroo especially because the last time they were together it was during one of his episodes to which he passed out. He nodded though and slowed his pace to let Kuroo lead the way, but Kuroo stayed by his side instead.</p>
<hr/><p>After grabbing some food from the burger place, they headed on over to the park and Kuroo led Tsukishima to a spot he always went to when he was feeling a bit stressed. Tsukishima was curious about this spot and how nice it was since Kuroo seemed so excited to show it off. He was right, it was nice. Really nice, actually. </p><p>Kuroo set the bag with the blanket down and took it out to spread it out on the floor. "Tada! See, now we can eat and talk in peace. The sky is pretty too so its like...a kind of fancy dinner under the stars!"</p><p>Tsukishima shook his head and chuckled a bit as he sat down on the blanket, placing the bag of food in the center and taking out their meals. Kuroo quickly sat down soon after and started eating his fries right when Tsukishima had handed them to him. Tsukishima smiled at how happy Kuroo looked, but he couldn't let Kuroo know that he was making him smile this much so he quickly got rid of the smile when Kuroo looked up from unwrapping his burger.</p><p>"Hey, Kei, I've been meaning to ask you this ever since we hung up on call earlier, but...Were you crying before you answered the phone? I don't want to pry too much so you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I was just..well I mean I still technically am worried since I'm taking the time to ask you this, but yeah..." Kuroo sighed before taking a bite of his burger, hoping that he wouldn't upset Tsukishima in any way that the other would just leave.</p><p>Tsukishima had just taken a bite of his burger and hesitated to tell Kuroo, but the way Kuroo tried so hard to explain himself as to not get him upset made him laugh a bit. "I was, now stop worrying or else you're going to make yourself nauseous. I'm fine now. It was just a bad dream."</p><p>Kuroo took a sip of his drink to clear his throat before speaking again, "So, a nightmare? What was it about? If you don't mind me asking." Tsukishima nodded after taking another bite of his burger and eating some fries, again hesitating to tell Kuroo, but it wouldn't hurt him so why not? "Yeah, a nightmare, I guess. It was just about an old friend I had who isn't here anymore. His name was Tadashi Yamaguchi."</p><p>Kuroo nodded and didn't press any further for now to let them both eat their food before they got into more serious talk.</p><p>After they finished and cleaned up the trash, Kuroo went to drop it into the trashcan before coming to see Tsukishima looking up at the stars with his arms wrapped around himself to keep himself warm. Kuroo decided in that moment he would make some sort of move. He took off his coat and headed over to Tsukishima, placing it around the other and smiling as their eyes met.</p><p>Tsukishima felt his cheeks turn red, but he felt warm now thanks to Kuroo's jacket. Kuroo's jacket. It felt like the warmth he felt that night when he had the episode. It smelled like Kuroo, of course it did, but Tsukishima liked that it did. "Thanks, but won't you be cold?" Tsukishima wore a slightly worried expression to which Kuroo pointed out with only made him even more embarrassed.</p><p>"I'll be fine. If I get cold, I could just scoot closer to you, but I'm okay like this. Unless you want to scoot closer to get warmer. I mean, you don't have to, but you know the offer is always there." Kuroo laughed nervously and decided to just sit back down to look up at the sky with the other.</p><p>Tsukishima couldn't help, but burst out laughing at the way Kuroo got so obviously flustered by something he had said himself. He would deny that he got flustered by what Kuroo said though as he continued looking up at the sky. Tsukishima let himself fall back and sighed as his body hit the floor, "You know, the only other person that got as flustered as you was Tadashi. He would constantly get flustered after saying something to me or say something like sorry Tsukki."</p><p>"Is he the reason you look up at the sky so much?" Kuroo didn't mean to ask that question, it sort of just slipped out and when he realized he had it was too late. He quickly glanced at Tsukishima to see his reaction and it wasn't angry nor upset in the slightest, instead the blonde looked completely calm.</p><p>Tsukishima took a deep breathe in and paused before exhaling. "Yeah, he's the reason I stare up at the sky. Ever since he left this world on what was supposed to be both our first days of highschool. I always told myself he became a star even if my parents would tell me he became an angel. I don't like him being known as an angel. I hate the word angel and so did he. He always wanted to be a star though, so now I see him as just that. The whole angel thing is something that ties back to something way more fucked up. Too fucked up to even say without freaking someone out or making them pity me so much."</p><p>"Tell me. I won't pity you or freak out, I promise." Tsukishima turned to Kuroo in shock at the confidence he had and shook his head, chuckling a bit. </p><p>"Fine then, if you're so confident, don't say I didn't warn you. If you start pitying me, I swear I will leave right away. Anyways, Tadashi and I were both sexually assaulted by the pastor at a church our families went to when we were younger. Tadashi had gone through it longer and many more times than I had. If I hadn't gone to look for him, no, actually I think it would have still happened one day. I just made it happen sooner when I went to look for Tadashi after service one day. The pastor had been with Tadashi in his office, with the door locked. Soon enough, I was the one locked in there with the pastor. Tadashi witnessed it from the closet he was locked in," tears began forming at the corners of Tsukishima's eyes which he quickly wiped away and smiled as he looked back up at the sky, "he's at peace now, so that's all that matters."</p><p>Kuroo kept his gaze on Tsukishima before speaking, "You both are strong for enduring that. It's not your fault either, Kei. I know you may be thinking that by the way you worded it. Like you said, Tadashi is at peace now so you should focus on finding your own peace now. I'm sure Tadashi would like that. You helped me find my own. You actually helped me a lot when I first heard about you. Back in highschool, you were the new kid with blonde hair, glasses, and an attitude. Koutarou told me all about you right before I was going to overdose. I hadn't gone to school that day. Didn't want to, but after I wanted to see what was so special about you."</p><p>Tsukishima was shocked to hear they had gone to school together and not met even once, until he remembered a day where he saw a kid with the same bedhead hair as Kuroo. A kid who hung out with the once obnoxious owl looking kid, Koutarou. He never learned his name though. He did want to though, but he wasn't in the mood for anything after Yamaguchi's death.</p><p>"Guess fate brought us together, huh?" Tsukishima laughed at that fact as he shifted his gaze to Kuroo who had his gaze on Tsukishima.</p><p>"Or maybe just the fact that we both lived through what seemed like an eternal hell." Kuroo shrugged.</p><p>Tsukishima smiled and let the tears fall from his eyes, down his cheeks as he looked at Kuroo to which Kuroo immediately took this as his queue to embrace the other just as he did that night. The warmth of Kuroo's embrace. That's what the warmth was that night. </p><p>Tsukishima hated how right this dumb idiot in front of him was. He hated how sweet and supportive he was. It irritated Tsukishima so much, but fuck did he love it so much.</p><p>He fucking fell for this man who he had known as the big jerk with the flirtatious personality who ordered a black coffee with a danish. The jerk who had him drinking three shots right after he arrived at the party he didn't even want to attend. The jerk who took care of him willing after one of his episodes. The jerk who bought him breakfast and walked him home. The jerk who had called at just the right time after the worst dream he's had. The jerk who took him out on this date and had him spilling out all his emotions.</p><p>It had only been a day, but it all felt like years. No, more like an eternity. Fate really did bring them together. Their eternal hells had brought them together, but in the end both their once eternal hells disappeared when they were together.</p><p>"I hate how fucking right you are, Tetsurou Kuroo." Tsukishima sniffled, pulling away from the embrace a bit to look at Kuroo's face. Kuroo had begun to cry too as he was hugging the blonde.</p><p>"I love how fucking right I am because I think I might've helped you find your peace already, Kei Tsukishima." There was that cheeky grin again. Oh, how Tsukishima loved and hated that grin of Kuroo's, but right now Tsukishima would wipe that grin right off his fucking face.</p><p>Tsukishima leaned forward, both their lips meeting each other's in a passionate and slow kiss. He was proud of being the reason someone had felt peace, the reason that Kuroo felt peace to be exact. Kuroo loved the feeling of the moment, Tsukishima's soft lips against his own and knowing he was the reason the blonde was feeling so much peace now too. </p><p>Their eternal hells were over.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you all enjoyed reading. I know I ended it short, but I wanted to finish this piece as a symbol of closing off a chapter in my life that I had been dwelling in for too long. I'm glad I wrote it and I want you all who read it to know that you are strong, you are loved, and you are so amazing beyond compare. You deserve so much more than this world can provide and I hope whatever you may be going through or whatever you have gone through, I hope you find your peace one day. We can do it! Remember, if you are ever feeling suicidal, ever just need someone to talk to, or overwhelmed, don't hesitate to reach out and or call the hotline. It's okay, you got this.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you are ever feeling suicidal, do not be afraid to reach out to someone you trust or calling the hotline. If you have ever gone through a similar situation that was depicted in this, please know it is okay to speak to someone about it. Take your time, though. You are strong and so amazing. Thank you for existing. Lastly, thank you for reading.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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